When it comes to domestic abuse, society often holds misconceptions about why survivors remain in abusive relationships. These myths oversimplify a deeply complex issue. But they also further isolate and stigmatise those who are struggling.
In this blog post, we’ll explore some of the common misunderstandings about why survivors stay. We’ll offer a more nuanced and compassionate perspective. Hopefully this will support you and help your journey towards a safer, brighter future.
Debunking Common Myths
- Myth: “Survivors must love their abusers.”
Reality: Many people mistakenly believe that staying in an abusive relationship means you’re somehow complicit or even loving towards your abuser.
In reality, complex factors – including fear, economic dependence, social isolation and emotional manipulation – often keep survivors from leaving. Recognising these factors is key to understanding that the decision to stay is not a reflection of love, but rather a survival strategy in a difficult situation.
- Myth: “It’s easy to just leave.”
Reality: Leaving an abusive relationship is often far more challenging than it appears from the outside. Financial constraints, lack of social support, fear of retaliation and concerns about children or other dependents can create significant barriers.
The decision to leave can be fraught with challenges and uncertainty, and every survivor’s circumstances are unique. However, many organisations will try and help make this journey less overwhelming. Juno is always ready to help women and children escape from domestic abuse.
- Myth: “Survivors are weak.”
Reality: Remaining in an abusive situation is not a sign of weakness. It is often a reflection of the complex and controlling nature of abuse.
Coercive tactics, such as emotional blackmail and gaslighting, are designed to undermine your confidence and independence (you can read more about coercive control here). When we understand this reality, we help remove the harmful shame that society sometimes puts on survivors.
Understanding the Complexity
There are many reasons why leaving an abusive relationship is not as simple as it might appear:
- Economic Dependence: Financial insecurity can be a major barrier. Without access to funds, survivors may fear homelessness, an inability to support children, or further financial instability.
- Fear for Safety: Abusers often threaten harm not only to the survivor but also to loved ones. Leaving can sometimes escalate the danger, making it a risky choice without a proper safety plan. Juno can help you with safety plans. We have an article here but also please call or email our helpline and we will talk you through this. We are here to support you every step of the way and can provide practical and emotional support.
- Emotional Manipulation: Long-term abuse often erodes self‐worth. Survivors might feel trapped by emotional bonds that have been manipulated by the abuser.
- Lack of Support: Isolation is a common tactic in abuse, leaving survivors with few trusted contacts or community resources to help them leave safely. Juno can help support you and introduce you to a wider community of survivors through our free group courses.
These courses aim to help you understand and overcome the effects of domestic abuse to build a brighter future. But they also help you meet women (or girls if you’re under the age of 18*) who have experienced the same thing. This can be an opportunity to feel part of a community and to make friends. There is a waiting list, so, please ask about these now.
Practical Steps Toward Understanding and Empowerment
If you’ve ever felt judged for staying or questioned your own decisions, know that your feelings are valid. Here are some steps to help reclaim your narrative:
- Educate Yourself: Learn about the dynamics of abuse, including coercive control and money manipulation. Knowledge is power, and understanding these tactics can help you see that your decisions are rooted in survival, not weakness.
- Connect with Supportive Communities: Join support groups or counselling services where you can share your experiences without judgement. At Juno, we offer safe spaces for survivors to discuss their journeys, gain insights and support one another.
- Develop a Personalised Safety Plan: Recognise that your path to freedom might require careful planning. Work with professionals, such as us, who can help you develop strategies tailored to your situation.
- Seek Professional Guidance: Some therapists and counsellors are specialists in domestic abuse. They can offer insights into the psychological impact of control and manipulation. This can help you understand your own experiences better.
- Celebrate Your Strength: Every day you survive and go through your situation is a testament to your resilience. Remind yourself that making choices in a context of fear and manipulation does not diminish your strength or worth. You are strong and you are valuable and life can be better. We promise.
Changing the Narrative
Society’s misconceptions about survivors only add to the burden you already carry. It’s important we challenge these myths by sharing the truth about domestic abuse and supporting one another. Every survivor’s story is unique and is valid. Your situation deserves empathy and understanding.
At Juno, We Stand With You
We believe in empowering survivors by recognising the full context of their experiences. At Juno, we work to provide compassionate support tailored to your needs. Whether through practical help, counselling, educational resources or community support, our mission is to help you reclaim your life and thrive beyond abuse.
Final Thoughts
Remember, you are not alone, and your decisions are rooted in a desire to survive and protect yourself. Empower yourself with knowledge, surround yourself with compassionate support and know that at Juno, we’re here to help you move forward towards a life filled with safety, dignity and hope.
Never hesitate to reach out if you feel the need for someone to talk to. Our helpline is staffed by a team of understanding, non-judgemental, and empathetic women—many of whom are survivors themselves—who are here to offer a safe and confidential space for you.
There’s no pressure, just genuine support and advice whenever you need it. So, please do call or email us; we’re always ready to help you on your path to recovery. You can read more about our helpline and hear from the workers in this article.
Juno Help
Calls to our helpline are free from landlines and mobile phones within the UK and do not appear on itemised bills. There is no pressure and everything is confidential.
Helpline: 0808 800 0340
Sometimes our helpline is busy and you might not get through the first time, so please try again. We will always call you back if you leave a message stating it is safe to do so and if you leave us a safe contact number in your message.
If you are hearing impaired, text “Relay/NGT” to 18001 0808 800 0340. This option is available 24-hours a day, 365 days a year.
You can also email us on [email protected] 9 am – 9 pm.
Please note, we may not be able to respond to emails straight away, but will try to reply within 24 hours.
National Help
If you’re further afield, you could contact other charities like Women’s Aid, who have instant messaging and email contact on their website: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
The National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) also provide confidential support. They can help you make a safety plan, find safe housing, and access legal protections.
The deaf health charity Signhealth also runs a domestic abuse support service, DeafHope, using British Sign Language (BSL).
The Survivor’s Trust (for sexual abuse and assault support) – www.thesurvivorstrust.org