When you have lived with abuse, you may spend a long time in survival mode. You may focus only on getting through the next hour, the next day, or the next crisis.
This is not weakness. It is a way your mind and body try to keep you safe.
What Survival Mode Can Feel Like
Survival mode can feel different for each person.
You may feel numb. You may feel anxious all the time. You may find it hard to rest. You may say yes when you want to say no. You may feel like you have lost yourself.
You may also feel tired in a way sleep does not fix.
This can happen when you have had to stay alert for too long.
You Did What You Had to Do
Many women blame themselves for how they cope or coped.
You may think:
Why didn’t I leave sooner?
Why did I stay quiet?
Why did I go back?
Why did I stop trusting people?
But survival is not always neat. When you are scared, controlled, or worn down, you do what you can.
You deserve compassion, not blame.
Self-Belief Can Start Very Small
You do not have to wake up one day feeling confident. Self-belief can grow slowly.
It may begin with thinking:
Maybe I am not the problem.
Maybe I deserve better.
Maybe my feelings matter.
Maybe I can take one step.
These thoughts can be powerful.
And they can be even more powerful if you take them out of your head and write them down. See here for more ideas: https://junowomensaid.org.uk/craft-ideas-that-help-you-heal/
Many survivors of abuse find that doing something creative like journalling, crafting, drawing or knitting helps them feel calmer and often more positive.
Or you could think of ways to improve your self-belief, like finding a new opportunity.
This could be:
Discussing with the Juno helpline on how to access our courses or get counselling with us or at other charities, like Nottingham Women’s Centre – see here: https://www.nottinghamwomenscentre.com/findsupport/counselling-services/
Exploring training or educational opportunities
Exploring voluntary work that can help you meet people and be a stepping stone to paid work
Discovering a way to move your body that you enjoy. It could be walking, swimming, boxing or anything at all that helps you feel a little more happy or confident over time.
Notice What You Have Already Done
You have already got through hard things. You may have protected children, pets, family, money, work, or your own hope in very difficult times. Be proud of yourself for that!
Even reading this article may be a sign that part of you wants something better.
That part of you matters.
Try One Brave Step
A brave step does not have to be big.
It could be saving a helpline number. It could be telling one safe person. It could be writing down what happened. It could be going to the GP. It could be saying no to something small.
Each step can help you remember that you do have choices.
You Are More Than What Happened
Abuse can make your world feel small. But you are still a whole person, with hopes, skills, needs, and a future.
You are allowed to rebuild slowly.
Final Thoughts
Survival was not the end of your story. Self-belief can grow again, and you are worthy of the life waiting beyond fear.
Need Support? We Can Help.
If you need to talk, our helpline is here for you. You will be listened to by a non-judgemental, all-women team who understand that every situation is different. You will not be pushed into anything. We will help as you want us to – you are in charge. We can help you think through your options in a safe way.
Calls to our helpline are free from landlines and mobile phones within the UK and do not appear on itemised bills. There is no pressure and everything is confidential.
Helpline: 0808 800 0340
Sometimes our helpline is busy and you might not get through the first time, so please try again. We will always call you back if you leave a message stating it is safe to do so and if you leave us a safe contact number in your message.
If you are hearing impaired, text “Relay/NGT” to 18001 0808 800 0340. This option is available 24-hours a day, 365 days a year.
You can also email us on [email protected] 9 am – 9 pm.
Please note, we may not be able to respond to emails straight away, but will try to reply within 24 hours.
National Help
If you’re further afield, you could contact other charities like Women’s Aid, who have instant messaging and email contact on their website: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
The National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) also provide confidential support. They can help you make a safety plan, find safe housing, and access legal protections.
The deaf health charity Signhealth also runs a domestic abuse support service, DeafHope, using British Sign Language (BSL).
The Survivor’s Trust (for sexual abuse and assault support) – www.thesurvivorstrust.org