Abuse can make you doubt yourself. You may have been told you were wrong, too sensitive, confused, dramatic, or selfish. Over time, this can make it hard to trust your own thoughts and feelings.
But your instincts have not gone. They may have been pushed down, ignored, or made quieter. With time and support, you can begin to hear them again.
Why Abuse Can Make You Doubt Yourself
An abusive person may twist the truth. They may deny things they said or did. They may blame you for their behaviour. They may tell you that you are imagining things.
This can leave you feeling unsure about what is real.
You may start asking yourself:
Am I overreacting?
Was it really that bad?
Should I have done more?
Can I trust my own judgement?
These doubts are very common after abuse. They do not mean you are weak. They are often a sign that you have been through a lot.
Your Body May Notice Before Your Mind Does
Sometimes your body can sense danger before your mind has worked it out.
You may feel tense around someone. You may get a tight chest, a sick feeling, or a sense that something is not right. You may want to leave a room or stop a conversation.
These feelings matter.
You do not have to explain them to anyone. You do not need proof before you are allowed to feel unsafe or uncomfortable. You are allowed to just walk away, cut contact and keep yourself safe. Listen to your instincts and talk them through with a trusted friend, counsellor, helpline advisor or Juno worker. These instincts can keep you safe.
Start Small
Learning to trust yourself again can take time. You do not have to make big choices straight away.
You could start with small things.
Ask yourself:
What do I want to eat today?
Do I want to rest or go for a walk?
Does this person make me feel calm or tense?
Do I want to say yes, or am I saying yes because I feel scared?
Small choices can help you rebuild trust in yourself.
Notice Safe People
A safe person will not rush you, mock you, or pressure you. They will listen. They will respect your no. They will not punish you for having feelings.
When you spend time with safe people, your instincts may slowly feel clearer.
You deserve people who help you feel steady, not people who make you feel small.
Final Thoughts
Your inner voice is still there. It may be quiet right now, but it can grow stronger again.
Need Support? We Can Help.
You don’t have to work this out alone. Our helpline is run by an understanding, all-women team who will listen with care and without judgement. Everything you say will be treated confidentially, and you will not be pressured to make any decisions.
Calls to our helpline are free from landlines and mobile phones within the UK and do not appear on itemised bills. There is no pressure and everything is confidential.
Helpline: 0808 800 0340
Sometimes our helpline is busy and you might not get through the first time, so please try again. We will always call you back if you leave a message stating it is safe to do so and if you leave us a safe contact number in your message.
If you are hearing impaired, text “Relay/NGT” to 18001 0808 800 0340. This option is available 24-hours a day, 365 days a year.
You can also email us on [email protected] 9 am – 9 pm.
Please note, we may not be able to respond to emails straight away, but will try to reply within 24 hours.
National Help
If you’re further afield, you could contact other charities like Women’s Aid, who have instant messaging and email contact on their website: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
The National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) also provide confidential support. They can help you make a safety plan, find safe housing, and access legal protections.
The deaf health charity Signhealth also runs a domestic abuse support service, DeafHope, using British Sign Language (BSL).
The Survivor’s Trust (for sexual abuse and assault support) – www.thesurvivorstrust.org