Confidence can feel like something you’ve lost – or something you never had. If you are going through, or have been through, domestic abuse, your self-esteem may have been chipped away over time. This may leave you unsure of yourself or your decisions. That’s completely understandable – and it’s not your fault.
But confidence can be rebuilt. Like a muscle, it grows stronger the more you use it. And even the tiniest efforts can lead to big shifts over time.
Be Gentle with Yourself
You’re going through or have been through a lot. Your nervous system may be on high alert, and simple things might feel overwhelming. Go at your own pace. Healing isn’t a race – it’s a process.
Where to Begin
1. Acknowledge How Far You’ve Come
Wherever you are right now, you’ve survived something incredibly difficult so far. That’s a huge achievement. Take time to recognise your courage, even if things still feel hard. You are doing so well.
2. Set Tiny Goals
Confidence grows when we prove to ourselves we can do things. Start small: reply to a message, go for a walk, cook a meal. As you achieve these little goals, your self-trust grows.
3. Surround Yourself with Support
If you can, spend time with people who lift you up – friends, family, or support workers. Read self-help books or check out YouTube videos. One YouTube channel is called Therapy in a Nutshell and she offers a variety of videos that may be of interest. You may like to have a look at the channel.
Being believed, listened to, and encouraged makes a huge difference to how we see ourselves. Try it. It will help. Promise!
4. Speak Kindly to Yourself
The way you speak to yourself matters. Try replacing self-criticism with phrases like, “I’m doing my best,” or “I’m learning.” It may feel strange at first, but over time it changes the way you feel about yourself.
5. Try New Things
When you feel ready, try something new – even if it’s just a different route home or a new book. Every new experience shows your brain that you’re capable, brave, and growing.
6. Avoid Comparing Yourself to Others
Your journey is your own. You don’t have to be where someone else is. You are healing in your own time and in your own way – and that’s more than enough.
Final Thoughts
Rebuilding confidence after abuse takes time, patience, and kindness. You don’t have to be perfect – you just have to keep going. Every time you try, speak up, or take care of yourself, you’re rebuilding your sense of worth. And that is beautiful to witness.
Juno Help
You never have to go through this alone. Our helpline is available 24 hours a day, every single day of the year. The team is warm, understanding, and many have real-life insight into what you’re facing. We’re not here to judge – we’re here to help you feel heard, respected, and supported every step of the way.
Calls to our helpline are free from landlines and mobile phones within the UK and do not appear on itemised bills. There is no pressure and everything is confidential.
Helpline: 0808 800 0340
Sometimes our helpline is busy and you might not get through the first time, so please try again. We will always call you back if you leave a message stating it is safe to do so and if you leave us a safe contact number in your message.
If you are hearing impaired, text “Relay/NGT” to 18001 0808 800 0340. This option is available 24-hours a day, 365 days a year.
You can also email us on [email protected] 9 am – 9 pm.
Please note, we may not be able to respond to emails straight away, but will try to reply within 24 hours.
National Help
If you’re further afield, you could contact other charities like Women’s Aid, who have instant messaging and email contact on their website: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
The National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) also provide confidential support. They can help you make a safety plan, find safe housing, and access legal protections.
The deaf health charity Signhealth also runs a domestic abuse support service, DeafHope, using British Sign Language (BSL).
The Survivor’s Trust (for sexual abuse and assault support) – www.thesurvivorstrust.org