Leaving an abusive partner isn’t just a physical act – it’s deeply emotional. You might feel relief one moment, then sadness the next. You might question your decision or grieve what you hoped the relationship would be. That’s all normal.
At Juno, we want you to know: whatever you feel, we’re here to support you through it.
It’s Okay to Feel Scared
You’ve lived, or are living, in a situation where someone controls your choices, isolates you, and makes you doubt yourself. So, it’s completely normal to feel fear about stepping into the unknown.
Questions like:
“What if I regret it?”
“What if I can’t cope?”
“What if I’m alone forever?”
“Am I weak for feeling scared?”
All these thoughts are common, but they’re fear talking. Let’s break it down to understand the reality for you.
Question: “What if I regret it?”
You will have a much easier life without abuse, so how can you regret that? You deserve a life of freedom, safety and happiness. And this is especially true if you have children or pets, because they can’t walk away from the abuse by themselves. Only you can make that happen.
Many women comment on the difference they feel in themselves when abuse isn’t a factor in their life anymore. It can be sudden, or a growing realisation, that there is so much out there for you. The world looks different when you’re not seeing it through fear. Changes can happen on a small or large level.
And women see positive changes in their children, or their pets, or both, after leaving an abusive relationship. Because, however much you try to shield them from seeing abuse, they will know it’s happening on some level. They may be too young to understand logically, but they will know. They sense it from the tension in the air and the feelings of anxiety in the household. And this can lead to significant problems for them and their future. But if you decide to leave then life can open up in wonderful ways for all of you.
Question: “What if I can’t cope?”
We know that you will cope. Because you’ve coped so far in such difficult and cruel circumstances, so, of course, you can cope when things get better. When that heavy weight of abuse lifts from your shoulders. When you and yours are safe. When you’re not living in fear of what happens next.
And there will be people who can help you cope, such as our amazing support workers, who will do everything they can to help you. They’ve done it before for thousands of women, so they can do it for you, too.
Question: “What if I’m alone forever?”
You don’t have to be alone forever, unless you want to be! For some women, the relief and happiness they find after leaving an abusive relationship mean that they want to just concentrate on themselves, their children, their pets, and building a new and happier life.
Other women enter new relationships when the time is right. It’s important not to rush this step but to begin the healing process instead. Many women go from one abusive relationship to another, so you need time out to work through things and ensure any new relationship is loving and free from abuse. At Juno, we offer counselling and groupwork to help with this, so please ask our helpline for details.
Question: “Am I weak for feeling scared?”
No, absolutely not. You are not weak for feeling scared – you are strong for leaving anyway. Yes, you are. We truly believe that. And one day, when you’re free and living without fear, you’ll believe it too.
You Might Feel Grief, Even If You Have Been Hurt
Grief can be about losing what we hoped for. You may grieve the life you wanted with this person, or the times when things were good. You may even still love them.
And abusers are experts at making you feel like things will change if you just give them one more try. Ask yourself, after they’ve done something wrong:
- Did they buy you flowers or spoil you with a gift after they hurt you?
- Tell you they felt so bad they were going to hurt themselves?
- Cry and say how sorry they are?
These are all tactics that abusers use to confuse you and make you stay. After all, if someone says they’re sorry we should forgive them, right? No. This isn’t a heartfelt, genuine apology. It’s a way to get you back on side.
It’s actually a method of what we call Coercive Control. You can read more about this in the following blog. You will probably recognise some of the things the abuser does and it could really help you understand just what is going on. https://junowomensaid.org.uk/what-does-coercive-control-look-like/
So, just because you feel grief, that doesn’t mean leaving is the wrong decision. How can taking yourself, your children and your pets away from fear and abuse ever be wrong? No, it just means you’re human and wrestling with complex emotions. And that’s okay. Just don’t let it stop you moving to a good life, one that you deserve that is free from abuse.
You May Feel Guilt or Shame But It’s Not Your Fault
Many women feel guilty for “breaking up the family” or “giving up.” But the truth is: abuse broke the family – not you.
Some women also feel ashamed for staying so long. But you stayed to survive. You did what you had to do, and now you’re doing something incredibly brave by leaving.
And One Day You’ll Feel Relief
It may take time. But at some point, you’ll wake up and feel… free. You’ll breathe without fear. You’ll laugh again. Maybe quietly at first, and then louder. You’ll start to believe that you deserve kindness. You’ll feel proud of how far you’ve come.
You’ll look at your children or your pets and you’ll notice the change in them too. And you’ll feel so relieved you didn’t wait a minute longer than you did.
That feeling – of safety, peace, and freedom – is waiting for you.
Final Thoughts
Leaving an abusive relationship is emotional, but every difficult feeling is a step towards something better. Healing isn’t a straight path but it will happen. You are not weak for feeling sad. You are strong for choosing a better life.
Juno Help
Our 24/7 helpline is open every day of the year. Our friendly female team are warm, supportive, and non-judgemental. Some are survivors too, and they understand just how emotional this journey can be. All the helpline team know that a better life is waiting for you. Give them a call – there will be no pressure – and you may just find confiding in someone a relief. You don’t have to go through this process alone. We will be ready and willing to help in whatever way you need.
Calls to our helpline are free from landlines and mobile phones within the UK and do not appear on itemised bills. There is no pressure and everything is confidential.
Helpline: 0808 800 0340
Sometimes our helpline is busy and you might not get through the first time, so please try again. We will always call you back if you leave a message stating it is safe to do so and if you leave us a safe contact number in your message.
If you are hearing impaired, text “Relay/NGT” to 18001 0808 800 0340. This option is available 24-hours a day, 365 days a year.
You can also email us on [email protected] 9 am – 9 pm.
Please note, we may not be able to respond to emails straight away, but will try to reply within 24 hours.
National Help
If you’re further afield, you could contact other charities like Women’s Aid, who have instant messaging and email contact on their website: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
The National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) also provide confidential support. They can help you make a safety plan, find safe housing, and access legal protections.
The deaf health charity Signhealth also runs a domestic abuse support service, DeafHope, using British Sign Language (BSL).
The Survivor’s Trust (for sexual abuse and assault support) – www.thesurvivorstrust.org